he still do not understand me after 4years... it was heart breaking for me to know that truth...
all i ask was for some understanding...
i went out drink... and you wanna flare up... threaten me wif smoking... =)
now den i reali know... all you wan was juz a chance to catch me drinking and so that you can smoke. u make me cry yet again...
watever i sae... u doubt my words... i cannot do all the wrong things.. i cannot do all the things u dun want me to do... if i did it... like last nite... you sae u wan to smoke...=)
how nice of you.. to treat me so well...
only u can do all the things i dun wan u to do and after that juz a sorry and expect me to forgive you... and if i did nt forgive you.. ur gonna tell me... i'm kicking up a fuss over small matters. do you know how scare and terrified i am??? wen u smoke and i dunno... i bet u know... which is why u owayz use it to threaten me...
i know u dun mind even if we break as u can find your own comfort from your workplace de frens and ur classmates and everybody excluding me. i noe u haf alwayz leave me out of ur life circle.. i understand... u give all ur 110% attention to dem.. all to dem.. but nt me.
i did my part nt to go out drink. but you did nt do your part. last nite.. i make de decision to drink again...is becuz i noe is over between us.. totally over between us... true.. even though i reali love you more den b4 love u more den i love myself... but de saying of loving others is easy.. but being loved back is difficult.. i noe u owayz tell me u love me... but why can't u juz show it thru all the little things u do in everyday life? why can't u juz show it to me like how u will show ur concern to others...?
how i wish u did not let me out last nite... but as i haf expected... u let me out... i wanted to find u...but somethings is holdin me back... =...(
is it so sad to love me thru ur course of actions den juz ur words? i can gif up everything juz to love u and wans u to be happy... but why cant u do tt? i noe u will tell me.. we are 2 different people... but is all my time on u being wasted? or is dis reali a one sided love? i dun ask for much.. onli ask for u nt to smoke and to love me back... if tt is so difficult... i reali dunno wat to sae... dunno wat to look and ask for in a relationship anymore... i sae b4... after u... there will not be another guy in my life... i noe u dun believe... but i mean it... becuz i'm paranoid about the hurt the a relaionship might inflict on me again...
wen ur in the wrong... u dun sae sorry. until after we quarrel.. makes me feel as if i insist and force u to apologise to me...i juz wish to spend my time all wif u... but u wouldn't gif me...
like u sae... dis is nt the ending u haf expected wen u and i first started.. i did nt even thot of such endings...=(
but sadly and truely... it reali is like tt.. i already forgive u for i dunno how many times. and if dis time. u dun tink u haf hurt me.. is ok... =...) if we are fated, we will still be together.. i believe in fate and destiny... wen my rings fit on ur finger.. i'm truely delighted... reali...
the first time i'm drunk... i told u is bcuz i'm disappointed in you...
the second time i'm drunk... tat is last nite...is bcuz i haf reali given up hope on u being good to me and stop using smoking to threaten me...
the third time i'm drunk... is gonna be the last time i reali forgive u...
if there's a fourth time... even though i dun wish to end... but we reali haf to...unless there's a miracle...
i pray to the stars and angels above... to make us last... i pray to all de gods and goddess that ever exist... that u will ever understand me...that u will nt smoke... and love me. i hope al dis wishes comes true. because... i'm reali reali veri terrified..=....(
drop dead..
i have drop dead that day.. since that day.. it still did not revive on that little hope that i cling on..no matter what i did and sae.. i seems to be in the wrong...
Waiting since that time..
dotz.. everything back to square one...happy now? you like it tt way.. i let you haf it..
i will continue to do it secretly..let you happi later...hahahahaha
i lost my cross stitching de threads liao larr... so sad larr... but den lucky i already finish one picture liao..hahaha can frem liao put in ling's room..lol
Friday, June 08, 2007
MONEY!!!
sian larr..recently i have been spending soooooooo much money larr...todae juz did my mani with tong's sister and did a facial for 88 dollar larr.. sian..wanna save..oso can't lorr..keep gif in to temptation lorr..hAiYooOo..
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
DONE IT!
i finally perm my hair todae!! omgoodness larr.. is like.. i ws sooo scare during thr process cuz i dunno how it wil turn out.. cuz i pick de medium curl lorr..nt the usual big curls.. as the medium one will last longer lorr..aiyoo... now i totally broke le lorrr.hahaha soo muz eat bread everyday liao..lol
i did the digital perming..haha actually is the same type of perm tt i looking for.. juz tt the one i looking for is call water perm. but den the method to do the perm is exactly the same juz tt dis digital perm uses the machine to heat up the roller while the water perm, the roller need to be place in a boiler to be heated up..hahaha
so funny larr... got all the wire sticking out from my head..like alien like tt..hahaha... ling sae my perm quite nice...lol..finally he sae is nice larr..if nt he use to sae i dun look good in curls de...lol now this curl look wil stay wif me until next yr..hehehe..cuz i gt a plan..lol..
Sunday, June 03, 2007